Friday Fives

1. If you owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?

Very pretentiously presented food. It's just so pretty! I really have no idea as the thought of owning a restaurant has never crossed my mind.

2. If you owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?

Collectibles. Most likely Star Wars paraphernalia. Although my store would be way cool as it would be constructed to resemble the Death Star's interior, with those huge oval wall panel lights. It would be lit with a cool electric blue ambiance, have glossy black floors and all the merchandise would be in clear Plexiglas cases. Six huge video monitors would display each of the movies on a continuous loop. But my greatest gimmick would be the life-size Jar Jar Binks doll near the back of the room where my customers could take out their daily frustrations by hurling darts, bricks or whatever they wanted at the series' most reviled character. "Weesa gonna die?" You betcha............

3. If you wrote a book, what genre would it be?

No idea. Probably a semi-autobiographical piece. They say everyone has one good book in them.

4. If you ran a school, what would you teach?

If I RAN a school, I wouldn't teach. Now, if I was just a teacher, I think I'd teach either history or music.

5. If you recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?

Very dark, atmospheric music or something bombastic ( think Wagner or Holst ). It would definitely be in a minor key. The minor key is highly underrated.

Fiesta 2005..........Attack of the Drag Queens 

Friday Fives

1. What is your worst/baddest/weirdest roommate story?

Hmmmm. All of my "roomates" have been lovers, which can make for some high drama. So I guess my worst story would be the time my ex-lover Jay and I decided to duke it out. Mind you, this was in the military. We had split up for several months but he had coaxed me to our old room ( I had since moved out ) to "talk things out". Which meant he was pleading with me to come back to him. Which I didn't want to do. So, I tried to leave the room. Round One commenced. Jay began by strategically throwing a huge mirror across the door, effectively blocking an easy escape. Screaming commenced, as did the fisticuffs. Now, mind you, I was in my military medical whites. I had come over to his room during my lunch break. I would rue that decision. So anyway, the fists started flying and the verbal abuse escalated to epic proportions. Seeing that I couldn't get out through the door, I headed for the window. Our old room was on the third level of the barracks wing of the WWII hospital where I worked. Outside the window was a narrow balcony that stretched the length of the building, essentially giving me access to any number of other rooms on the floor. Round Two commenced--trying to get to the window. At this point, things got VERY ugly. Jay was determined to stop me and began grabbing my uniform to prevent me from exiting the window to the balcony. At this point, my uniform was already torn and one of my rank insignias had been ripped off. This is the same uniform I would have to wear when I reported back to work in less than 30 minutes. I basically just lost it and grabbed Jay's head......and began beating it against one of those old-fashioned metal radiators. You know, the kind with the spine-like metal ridges? My uniform now became a bloody mess. More screaming ensued, but I did make it out onto the balcony. At this point I began running down the narrow walkway, banging on windows, desperately trying to get someone's attention. Eventually, I did get into someone's room. I ignored the barrage of questions and hi-tailed it back to my room where--thankfully--I had a clean set of whites to change into. I changed and reported back to work just in time. Needless to say, I missed lunch.

2. How much is too much for a haircut? And how much is too little?

My other half is a hairstylist, and a damned good one. I pay nothing for my haircuts, except in "services rendered". If I had to pay though, I would pay up to $40. A good haircut is essential.

3. When opening a bag of chips are you careful and precise or do you tear right into it. Are there any left to store for later?

This is going to reveal one of my biggest pet peeves. EVERYTHING is so hard to open these days!! I feel like a 90 lb. weakling trying to open chips. Do they atomically seal those damned bags shut? In answer to the question, I usually end up cutting the bag open, because if I pull with the force required to open these damned things, there would be an explosion of chips everywhere. And even with my liberal "10 second rule" most of those chips would be wasted. But back to my tirade. I recently purchased some CDs and I had to remove no less than FIVE different pieces of sealing wrap to get into the damned things. Does the RIAA think I'm gonna rip tracks from CDs onto my portable CD-RW drive right in the middle of the store? I'm all for security, but the shrinkwrap they put around those things is enough of a deterrent. It makes enough noise when removing it to call down a SWAT team from down the street.

4. Ever take musical instrument lessons as a kid? What did you play? Still remember how? Should we get the band back together, man?

I took saxophone lessons from the 3-12th grades. I was pretty good too. I played in marching band, concert band and the swing band ( my favorite ). I haven't picked up an alto sax since I was 17, but I think I could remember how to play. I would get into a band if it was the right group of people and style of music.

5. What is your most memorable drunken experience?

Wow, there are SO many. The one that sticks in my mind though is New Year's Eve 1989. My brother Matt had come over to visit me in Deutschland with Grandma in tow ( really the other way around, but the hell with semantics ). Grandma was a "touch" religious, which meant that her idea of a New Year's party was sitting around drinking Mogen David. Needless to say, my brother and I had alternate plans. So we ditched Grandma, leaving her alone in her room ( this is when I earned my first frequent flier miles on the Express Jet to Hell ) and proceeded to taxi over to a huge party. The place was being rented by a friend of mine named Karen who was leasing the place from a German lady whose name HAD to be Bertha, Helga or some such unappealing moniker. So anyway, there were about 40 people at this party, all getting loaded. As the clock approached midnight, everyone--and I mean everyone----grabbed a bottle of champagne and proceeded to shake them. When the clock struck midnight, the sound of popping corks permeated the apartment. Followed by the sound of gushing champagne: down the walls, from the ceiling, over the stereo system, into our mouths and everywhere else. At this point, the Germans outside on the streets began setting off fireworks. The following details are sketchy. I don't know if it was one of our revelers or one from the outside, but someone tossed a smoke grenade into the building where my friend lived. Smoke began roiling up the stairs. Someone from our group did try to go down the stairs to open the door so the smoke would dissipate faster. Oopsy! He ended up falling down the stairs and rolling through the screen door, knocking it from its hinges. At this point, Helga ( or Bertha ) stomped out from her first level abode and began screaming in German. I was too drunk to understand what she was saying, but I did recognize the word "polizei". I immediately grabbed my brother and a few friends and we started running. I figure we ran a good mile to the nearest military barracks and then cabbed it home. Running that far when that drunk is NOT recommended.

My Aliases

Mark Christopher Morrow's Aliases

Your movie star name: Chocolate Ernie

Your fashion designer name is Mark Wurzburg

Your socialite name is M&M London

Your fly girl / guy name is M Mor

Your detective name is Dog Athens Area High

Your barfly name is Chocolate Gin And Tonic

Your soap opera name is Christopher Grant

Your rock star name is M&Ms Cheetah

Your star wars name is Marflu Morian

Your punk rock band name is The Anxious Used Condom

The Amazing Meganame Generator

The Indecency Police Are Coming

With the Culture War now in high gear, bolstered in part by Bush's supposed "mandate" given to him at the the last election, the Congress is considering stripping the FCC of its authority to regulate our airwaves. Who would be the new indecency watchdog? Why, Congress of course! While many of the proposed changes are alarming, the one that bothers me the most is Congress' desire to begin fining the cable television networks. Holy HBO Batman! Until now, the cable networks have been exempt from the FCCs stance on indecency because they are subscription networks; that is, they are supported by people paying for the privelege of viewing un-censored, adult, thought-provoking and well-written television. That could all change. If Congress gets its way, say good bye to The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, Deadwood and The Wire. At $500,000 per violation ( the new amount Congress wants to fine broadcasters PER violation ) HBO will be eviscerated. One episode of The Sopranos or one overtly gay-centric episode of Six Feet Under could bankrupt HBO overnight.

Ever since Janet had her wardrobe malfunction, this country has been censoring more and more of everything. In light of this, I find it highly disturbing that by age 18 an American child will have seen 16,000 simulated murders and 200,000 acts of violence. But this is somehow less damaging than seeing a breast? Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break. I am so sick of this country's puritanical, holier-than-thou roots rearing its head all in the name of decency. What's decent about seeing someone shot, or raped, or beaten, or eviscerated, or burned? What's decent about displaying dead corpses ( or almost dead ones-- Sorry Terri! ) on TV every week ? Not much. We already have disclaimers on shows stating that "the following content may not be suitable for children". We already have government-mandated V-chips in our TVs. We already have a TV broadcast rating system similar to the one used by the MPAA for motion pictures. We already have certain shows that are required to broadcast after prime time ( think South Park ). I think our Congress and the FCC have mandated enough. Responsibility lies at home folks, not with our government, who by the way, are in NO position to dictate morals and decency to me or you ( take that Tom Delay ). If you don't want Bobby or Suzy seeing naked people, then V chip HBO and Skin-a-max. USE the dislcaimers and ratings system already in place. Use judgement, or better yet, here's a good one: TALK TO YOUR KIDS!

Cable is the last beacon of hope for those of us who enjoy good television. Yes, there is some good network TV ( see my post on my fav shows ) but let's face it, there's a reason why HBO has become the Emmy black hole that it is. Namely because it is not held to the out-dated, draconian standards that network TV is. And here's a thought..................

Why DO we have seemingly more "risque" TV nowadays? Is it because our society is morally bankrupt? Is it because we have abandoned our God? ( HIGHLY unlikely given the current climate. ) Is it because we are desensitized to violence, swearing and nudity? Maybe. I think its simply because we as a country are evolving. Each generation becomes aware of things such as death, sex, violence and salty language at ever-earlier ages. In essence, we grow up faster and thus become more complex creatures earlier in life. We are intimately more aware as to what REAL life is like, not the "life" force-fed to us at church, synagogue or mosque. We thus demand more from our entertainment. More reality. Witness the revolution in digital special effects, which has allowed us to suspend our realities much easier than before. We demand these advances because we are much more AWARE that the images on the screen are indeed fantasy and exist outside of our reality. Likewise, we demand shows like The Sopranos because they resonate with us. They are more real, inhabited with more realisitic ( i.e. flawed ) characters. Sure, there is a place for shows like Friends which was a cute show, but one hardly based in reality ( how DID those people afford those fantastic digs in NYC?? ). For those of us who want grittier, more realistic TV, we should have access to it, even if we have to pay for it. How does MY watching Queer As Folk affect what Betty Bowers--True Christian--watches down the street? If she wants to watch re-runs of Bonanza, that's fine with me. But don't deny me my right to watch a guy getting a blowjob in the backroom of a hot, dank, gay bar while surrounded by more hot guys getting equally fantastic blowjobs. ( TAXI!!!!!!!!! ) And let's face it. This whole Congressional maneuvering is a game of one-upmanship being played by BOTH parties to show the American people that WE'RE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT INDECENCY!!!! Which of course is fueled by the Religous Right who are again, trying to shove their values down the collective throat of America. I'd like to shove something down their throat.......................

Video Archive

This was a great link I found on Metafilter. There is some cool stuff here, with videos that run the gamut from rather esoteric bands ( Front 242, Skinny Puppy, Sister Machine Gun, Interpol ) to more mainstream ones( Moby, Beastie Boys, Bjork, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran ). If you have some time to kill, check it out.

Terri Lives On!!!

Ok kids. If you're worried about your eternal soul, you'd be advised to stay clear of this link. If you're not worried--like me-- then click away and DO THE SCHIAVO!!!!

Friday Fives

1. What's the one movie you've seen more times than any other?

OK, here's where the geek in me will be placed on display for all to see. Those of you who know me know I love Star Wars. So is it any surprise that I've seen these movies countless times? Of all the films in the series, I've seen the original the most times. I can recite almost every line in the film and can tell you where each musical cue begins and ends. I can tell you the name of every character, ship and planet. I can tell you that Darth Vader's T.I.E. Fighter was a prototype for the more agile T.I.E. Interceptor model seen in Return of the Jedi. See, now you have written proof that I am a geek.

2. If you could turn one book, comic book or other print story into a feature-length movie, what story would you pick and why?

I remember reading Ender's Game and thinking that it would be a great movie. As it happens, its due for release in 2006. We'll see whether Wolfgang " The Boat" Petersen can pull it off. Most of his films post Das Boot have been very loud Hollywood extrvaganzas. If he can capture the psychological aspect of Ender's Game it will be a fine film.

3. Whom would you cast?

Interesting question. All I can say is that "thank god" Jake lloyd is out of the running. That little tow-headed moppet can't act. I still have nightmares of his infamous "yippee!!" in Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Getting back to the question, I'd probably cast a relatively unknown child actor, but a good one. Someone like Haley Joel Osment before he got popular. Let's face it, The Sixth Sense wouldn't have been such a creepy movie without that little tyke.

4. What one movie would you like to see "updated for the year 2005"? (Ie, a remake)

I generally don't like remakes. ( Although I did recently enjoy the updated version of The Manchurian Candidate. ) I can't say I'm yearning for a specific remake, although I am anxiously awaiting Peter Jackson's King Kong. The man has already shown a deep respect for source material so I'm encouraged that his remake will be faithful to the original. And let's face it, ole' Kong needs a 21st century makeover. He's a movie monster icon. Godzilla got his, why not Kong?

5. What one movie are you most looking forward to this year?

Do you even HAVE to ask? See my March 14th entry on "The Return of the good Star Wars movie?".

Friday Fives

1. Cholula? Tobasco? Tapatio? Bruce's? What is your favorite hot sauce and what do you like it served with?

Hmmmm.......not a HUGE fan of the hot sauce, unlike my love for "the sauce". I like it, but not enough to actually *think* about it. I actually like the Taco Bell hot sauce. Yo quero mucho! Back to you Libby!!!

2. Friends is over. ER is getting lame. Reality TV plagues the airwaves. What do you now consider "Must See TV?"

Thank God someone said it. NBC should've taken ER off life support years ago, kinda like Terri!! Must See TV for me consists of:

• Lost--an odd mix of mystery, drama and --shock!-- good writing, this show is insanely addicitve ( thanks E2 ). I actually missed the pilot, and have yet to see it, but I was hooked at about episode 3. With a HUGE ensemble cast, an engaging and mysterious convergence of story lines and plenty of back stories to explore, this show could go on for quite some time and never get tired.
  
• Battlestar Galactica--Hands-down, the best Sci-Fi story I've come across in years ( sorry George...maybe you'll hit paydirt with episode III? ). Essentially, a re-imagined series based on the original Battlestar Galactica, this one is darker, more visceral, and at its core, more human than the original. These characters are not archetypes and their relationships are anything but simple. What I like BEST about this series is that the story arc is being well maintained. The original series had it's " dilemma of the week" while this series expounds upon what we've seen before, making it rather addictive. The effects are amazing, although the "jitter-cam" can get a bit much. The space sequences are a cross between Star Wars and 2001. Thrilling yet graceful, violent yet serene. The production of this series is amazing and the new re-imagined world is a lot tougher and dirtier than the original. All in all, if you like Sci-Fi, check this out. And check your pre-conceived notions about the old series at the door. This isn't your daddy's Battlestar.
• Desperate Housewives--At its core, this show is a showcase for dysfunctional suburbia and boy is it fun to watch. We get hunky plumbers, even hotter teenage boys, murder, mental disorders, pill-popping moms and a healthy dose of S&M to boot. What's NOT to like??
• Family Guy--OK, so I'm just watching reruns now in anticipation of this series' May 1st resurrection, but this show gets funnier everytime I watch it. With it's surreal pop-culture tangents, egomaniacal toddler, martini-swilling, talking dog and some of the most un-PC dialogue left of the Simpsons, this show isn't for everyone. But if you have a wicked sense of humor that borders on or crosses over into truly tasteless territory.....well, in the words of patriarch Peter Griffin, this show is "freakin' sweet".
  

3. If you could be a ringer in the White House press room, what SOFTBALL question would you throw to White House Press Secretary Scott Mclellan.

"So Scott, how fast IS freedom spreading in the Middle East?"

4. You know "they" are watching you. They watch at work, they watch you in traffic. They see you at the store. What is it they recently saw that has embarrassed you the most.

In light of the fact that I'm being watched, I just don't do embarrasing things. Problem solved.

5. In light of, or rather, in honor of Teri and Michael S, of Pinellas Park, Fl, take a moment and craft a light haiku. (remember,
the format is 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables.)


Stupid tube. OUT! OUT!
It keeps me a vegetard.
Oh, its out! I'm dead.